


Goodnight, Soldier

by snorlaxatives



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 進撃の巨人 | Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23823334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snorlaxatives/pseuds/snorlaxatives
Summary: You run a local apothecary in Wall Rose while also taking care of the neighborhood's orphans. Food is running low and you have hungry mouths to feed. After some thought, you decide to break into the Scouts' headquarters and raid their pantry, only to get caught by a light eyed cocky Scout named Jean. Now you have to convince him not to turn you in.Note: I do not own any of the characters or settings. I'd be happy to write requests as well! Enjoy!
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Reader
Comments: 18
Kudos: 90





	1. Chapter 1

The night air held a chill as your footsteps echoed quietly across the damp cobblestones. You could barely see your hand in front of you but you knew the way so well you could've walked it completely blind. With the hulking building coming into view, you slowed your pace and fluidly drew out your dagger. You slipped the edge of the blade into a nearby window and soundlessly undid the latch on the inside. Taking a deep, slow breath you inched the window open, praying it wouldn’t make a sound. When the gap was wide enough, you gathered your cloak tightly around you and slipped inside then quietly shut the window and redid the latch so the night guard wouldn’t go snooping. 

Once inside, you quickly brushed yourself off and readjusted your cloak. Even though you were breaking the law, you wanted to do it with some dignity. Cocking your ear toward the direction you needed to go, you listened for signs of activity. When you were satisfied the corridors were empty, you set off at a brisk, silent pace, ready to be done with your task. Once you arrived in front of the door in question, you hesitated making sure you were alone. You’d been here three other times in the past month and couldn’t risk getting caught now. You were desperate. 

Your hands found the familiar cool steel of the door handle and silently pushed it open. You worked quickly inside, grabbing the items you needed and stuffing them into your bag. When you were finished, you inspected the floor closely, making sure you didn’t leave behind any evidence of your visit. Pulling the door open a notch, you listened for the night patrolmen. Silence. Quietly, you slipped out the door and eased it shut behind you, then crept through the sleeping building back to the window. 

Making quick work of the latch, you began to slide the window up. “You know, you could’ve just asked,” came a voice from the darkness. You froze, hands on the window sill. Damn it! you cursed yourself. Gritting your teeth, you slowly inched your hand toward the sheathed dagger. No, you thought. Don’t be stupid. You can’t fight a Scout with a dagger and win, you fool. “You gonna say something?” the voice asked in a tone dripping with nonchalance. Whoever this was, he was enjoying himself and it infuriated you. Swallowing your frustration, you straightened your back, gathered your cloak around you, and swung one leg over the window sill. If he wanted to hurt me, he would’ve done it already, the arrogant prick. Or at least I hope, you thought. 

“Hey! Stop!” The confidence in the voice faltered this time. “I can’t just let you go. You’re stealing from the military!” The man, whoever he was, stepped forward behind you but you didn’t turn around to face him. You took a deep breath to steady your nerves. “Then come with me,” you said in a flat tone and swung your other leg outside the window before you could give yourself time to second guess your decision. Setting off at a brisk pace, you refused to look behind you but the sound of someone scrambling out of the window indicated you were being pursued. 

“Wait! Stop!” A firm grip encircled your arm and swung you around, causing your hood to fall back. The dim light from the moon faintly illuminated the features of the Scout who caught you. He's tall, really tall, you thought. He had sandy hair and golden eyes and wore a stern expression on his face. He seemed to be about the same age as you. That’s good, you thought. Maybe I can reason with him. The Scout peered at you curiously, but he didn’t seem angry. You gently tugged the arm he was holding and after some hesitation, he released his grip. You smoothed your sleeve and met his gaze, refusing to look away. His brow was furrowed and he wore an unconvincing frown. “Explain yourself,” the Scout said in his best bravado. You flipped your hood back over your face to cover the smile that crept across your lips. Oh, yes, you thought. I can definitely convince him. You readjusted your cloak and turned away from him. “It’s better if I show you, soldier. Follow me. It’s not far, just a couple blocks away.” 

\---

The walk back home was silent and uncomfortable. Neither you nor the Scout uttered a word in the darkness and the tension made your skin itch. You were beginning to lose your nerve. What if bringing him here is a terrible idea? You thought miserably. No, I didn’t have a choice. I was caught red handed stealing from the military. Either he lets me go or he arrests me....

As you approached a dim house, the sounds of raucous laughter pulled you out of your thoughts. The smile returned to your lips as you slipped a key into the door and turned the knob. “YOU'RE BACK!” screamed a young voice and several others joined in excitement as you opened the door. The two of you were greeted by a chorus of whoops and exclamations from a small group of raggedy children by the hearth. You turned to shut the door and saw the Scout wavering in front of the threshold. “Are you coming in or not?” you asked, irritation creeping into your voice. It was cold and you were tired. He was dragging things out more than you liked. After a few moments, he gingerly stepped inside and you shut the door. 

The house smelled faintly of antiseptic and dried herbs. Neatly labeled glass bottles lined the shelves around the main room and plants hung drying from the ceiling. To the right was a large wooden table and a hearth with ragged couches and cushions scattered about. The left side of the room held various medical supplies and a modest kitchen. A dark hallway at the back of the room led to the rest of the house. You let your shoulders relax a little bit. This is good, you thought. Time to put the ball in his hands.

“(Name)!” one of the children said incredulously, “WHO is that!?” they pointed at the Scout. You glanced sideways at the man then walked over to the young boy who had spoken. “Who does it look like, Ben?” you replied, ruffling his hair. A fleeting look of concentration flitted across Ben’s face then he flashed a toothless grin. “He’s a Scout!” Ben said excitedly, pointing to the wing insignia on the man’s cape. “That’s right, Ben,” you nodded, looking back toward the Scout who stood dumbfounded by the door, “and he’s going to have dinner with us. Why don’t you all keep him company while I start getting things ready?” Ben flashed another grin and shyly scampered over to the Scout. The other children by the hearth were quick to follow. 

“What’s your name?” a little girl asked, peering up at the Scout with her arms crossed and eyebrows raised. “Uh, Jean.” he replied meekly. “Well, Jean--” the little girl began, but you cut her off with a loud clearing of your throat. “Well, Mister Jean,” the girl began again, her ears red in embarrassment, “my name is Nelly and I want to hear a story.” Nelly grabbed Jean’s hand and began tugging him toward one of the couches by the hearth. The rest of the children buzzed about his nervous figure excitedly. “(Name) NEVER brings anyone home who isn’t sick!” one of them said to Jean excitedly as Nelly forced him to sit on the couch next to her. “I’ve never even talked to a Scout before!” another one piped up, “only seem ‘em from the crowd!” You watched in amusement as the children gathered around Jean. Now that it wasn’t so dark, you could see him more clearly. He’s handsome, you thought absently, then blushed, shook your head, and returned to chopping vegetables. He’s a Scout! you argued with yourself silently. Don’t go putting foolish notions into your head! 

You scooped up the vegetables you had been preparing and added them to a boiling cauldron of soup. “Alright kids, dinner’s almost ready. You know the drill,” you turned to look at them with your hands on your hips. “No clean hands, no food. Off you go!” After a healthy bout of complaining, the children scampered off down the hallway to wash their hands. You poured two cups of tea, brought one over to Jean and sat down. He thanked you quietly and stared into his mug. You eyed him for a few moments before saying, “does this explain myself enough?” 

Jean’s eyes slowly trailed up to meet yours and he nodded, a serious expression on his face. “Are they… all yours?” he asked hesitantly. You laughed heartily. “Gods, no,” you said between giggles. “I do what I can to heal the sick but sometimes they don’t recover. These kids are either orphans or have parents who can’t take care of them for one reason or another.” The children began bouncing back into the room and before they could ambush Jean again, you handed them each a bowl. 

Dinner was eaten with gusto and now that Jean had become more comfortable, he started to relax back into the cocky scout you had met earlier. He answered the eager questions directed at him with ease and left the children wanting to know more. I’ve got him, you thought as you watched Jean thumb wrestle one of the older boys. You smiled unknowingly. I’m glad I brought him back. The kids needed a bit of cheer. It’s going to be a rough winter. 

“Okay kiddos,” you clapped your hands. “It’s time to go to bed. Say goodbye to Mr. Jean.” Vehement protests and even some angry tears were let out in response. Jean grinned at you and you fought back the urge to smile back. Instead, you kept your expression stern and arched an eyebrow at the sleepy faces around you. Reluctantly, the children began issuing their goodbyes to Jean. “You’re gonna come back and visit again, right Mr. Jean?” Nelly asked excitedly. “Yeah!” another girl chimed in. “We have to hear more about Captain Levi!” A pitiful chorus of “please’s” surrounded the Scout and he let out a deep sigh. “Well,” Jean began, appearing to thoughtfully rub his chin. “I'm incredibly busy with top secret missions…” he trailed off. The instant chorus of pleading swept over the table again in full force. “Well, okay then,” Jean said, running a hand through his sandy blonde hair, grinning. “I suppose I can stop by from time to time to tell my fans about my heroic stories.” You snorted and rolled your eyes but a smile tugged at the corner of your lips. 

“Alright now, off to bed!” you shooed the children away down the hall before they could trick you into staying up any later. You let out a sigh of relief when their bedroom door shut and absently tucked a stray hair behind your ear. Jean chuckled. “Well, (Name),” he began, putting emphasis on your name. “I gotta hand it to ya, that’s a lot to put up with right there.” You smiled tiredly as you approached the table and began to clear the dishes away. “Tell me about it,” you replied. “So do they all sleep in one bed?” Jean asked curiously as he began to help you gather bowls and spoons. “No, it’s a room full of bunks. This was my mother's apothecary. We kept the room for patients who were too sick to return home and it’s sure come in handy,” you said wistfully. 

You dumped the pile of dishes into the soapy water basin and began to scrub them. Jean's presence filled the air behind you. “I’ll wash, you dry,” you said and tossed a rag behind you without looking. “Ack!” he said surprisedly, “You could’ve at least warned me!” Jean moved next to you, picked up a bowl and began to dry it. You were suddenly aware of how close he was and you blushed. Between dealing with sick patients during the day and taking care of the kids at night, you didn’t really have time in your life to chase after men.

“So, why didn’t you just ask?” Jean said, smirking. “What?” you responded, confused. “Why didn’t you just ask an officer at the barracks if you could have some of our rations?” Jean elaborated. “You make it sound like it’s easy!” You said, frowning. “The military doesn’t exactly have a great track record of kindness. Plus, do you think someone would’ve believed me if I said I had seven kids to feed?” You turned to look him in the eye defiantly. Jean laughed and took a dripping bowl from your hand, brushing your fingers. You let out a frustrated sigh and dried your hands on your apron. 

“Well,” Jean said as he put down his towel and turned to face you, leaning his body against the counter to match your height. “Next time, just find me and ask.” He tucked back a loose lock of hair that had fallen in front of your face. His smile widened into an ear splitting grin as you flushed scarlet. “And,” he continued, pulling himself away from the counter and stretching. “Try to come by during the day, that way Captain Levi doesn’t put anyone else on pantry guard duty all night.” You smiled at that. “I’ll see what I can do,” you shot back. “Goodnight, soldier.” You said to Jean’s back as you followed him to the door and held it open. “Goodnight, nurse.” Jean said with a smirk as he stepped out of the house.


	2. Hold on Tight, Nurse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever since your first encounter with Jean on that fateful night at the Scouts' headquarters, you find yourself bumping into him more often. The patients you've been treating lately have been very sick and you find yourself needing to clear your mind. Familiar with the military's stablemaster, you decide to go to the stables to spend some much needed time with the horses and who of course would you run into other than that damn cocky, golden eyed Scout?

“Well, well, well!” came a familiar cocky voice behind you. Your hand waivered ever so slightly but you continued to groom the gentle mare in front of you. “You’re just trying to run into me, aren’t you?” Jean asked as he sauntered over to the stall. He leaned his tall body against the door and smirked expectantly at you. With a raise of your eyebrows, you gave him a small smile and met his eyes. “Actually, I come here quite frequently to help groom the horses. It clears my mind and they make for great company.” The tan colored mare you were brushing softly nuzzled your face causing you to giggle softly. 

Jean had been coming to the apothecary one evening a week to have dinner with you and the kids you cared for, and much to your chagrin, you were growing fond of his cockiness and witty banter. The kids loved him and his stories of Commander Erwin and Captain Levi. Not to mention that every couple of days you saw him at the Scouts’ headquarters while you were picking up food for the kids. Seeing him was beginning to become a regular occurrence and you couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or not. He definitely made you smile more often than you were used to. The only bad thing was, you found your thoughts drifting toward him more and more. Nonetheless, it was a welcome surprise to run into him here. Some of your house calls earlier in the week were weighing heavily on your mind so you came to the stables for a distraction and who but show up but him?

“What exactly are you doing here, soldier?” you shot back. “Keeping tabs on me?” You gave him a knowing smile as you returned the brush to its rack on the wall. It was hard to be inconspicuous around town with a green cloak. You’d often see flashes of him around corners when you were making your daily rounds to sick patients and you weren’t quite sure what to make of it. “W-what!?” Jean stammered, beginning to turn red. “No! I’m actually going on a scouting mission, because I’m you know, a scout.” He leaned over the stall door, his face inches from yours. “I’m going beyond the walls today to report back on recent titan activity.” 

“Well, well, well,” you mocked him, reaching over the stall door and undoing the latch from the other side. You could feel his hot breath next to your neck and it caused goosebumps to breakout across your skin. “And you’re the only one going on this scouting mission?” You asked as you relatched the bolt and leaned your body against the stall, mirroring his. Jean reached out and absently plucked a stray piece of straw from your shirt. “The scouts aren’t exactly boasting the numbers we used to.” He said with a grimace. “We make do where we can but it’s a lot of ground to cover with so little men.”

“So which horse are you taking out?” You asked, hastily changing the subject. “Hmm, that’s a good question.” Jean rubbed his chin. “We aren’t assigned horses because they’re just as likely to get killed by titans as the Scouts are. Which one would you take?” He leaned closer to you, the smirk returning to his face. You used your hand to push his face away from yours, then stood with your back against the wall, thinking for a moment. “I suppose I would go with Phoenix,” you answered. With a small smile, you began to walk toward the other end of the stable and beckoned Jean to follow.

You led him to a stall where a tall black stallion was held. After making a kissing noise, the stallion eagerly poked his head out of the door to greet you. It was obvious this wasn’t the first time you’d met. You fondly scratched the white diamond patch on his head and turned to look at Jean. “What do you think?” you asked with genuine curiosity. “He’s beautiful,” Jean answered honestly. “How do you know his name? There aren’t any signs outside of the stalls.” 

“I’m the one who gave them names,” you answered sheepishly. “The stablemaster doesn’t seem to mind since I help him out. It just feels right. They should have names and not numbers. They’re such gentle creatures.” Phoenix wickered and nudged your shoulder. “So...what’s it like to get to a full speed gallop?” You asked curiously while playing with Phoenix’s mane. Jean scratched his head. “Well,” he began, “it’s...fast...I guess?” You rolled your eyes and poked his chest. “Well of course I knew that!” Jean grabbed the hand you used to poke him and drew you closer to him. “What?” He said teasingly, “You’ve never been on a horse before?” You playfully shoved him away and smoothed your clothes. “Of course I have but my neighborhood doesn’t exactly give me the opportunity to ride at a full gallop. The streets are crowded and narrow, you know that.”

You stuck your tongue out at Jean and a mischievous glint sparkled in his eyes. “Do you want to come with me on my scouting mission?” he asked casually, inspecting Phoenix’s mane. “Ha ha, very funny Jean,” you rolled your eyes at the back of his head. “I’m serious,” he said turning around and putting his hands on his hips. “But wouldn’t you get in trouble? That can’t be allowed!” Jean shrugged. “I won’t tell if you won’t.” You grinned, excitement welling up. You’d never been outside the walls. “Okay, but I need to be back before dark or the kids will start to worry.” Jean grinned back at you. “Sounds good, give me a second.”

He jogged down the length of the stables and soon disappeared as you began to work on saddling Phoenix. When Jean returned, he was holding a familiar green cloak that you knew held the Scouts’ insignia on it. “Just for good measure,” he said as he tossed the cloak around your shoulders and fastened it. He stood back to admire his work. “Green suits you,” he said amused, “You’d make a fine Scout.” You blushed and scoffed at the ridiculousness of it. Me, a Scout? “Phoenix is ready to go,” you told him. “Okay, nurse, let’s get to galloping then.” He grinned at you as he climbed into the saddle and you laughed at his outright cockiness. 

Jean extended his hand and you climbed up behind him. “Hold on tight, nurse.” You could practically hear the smirk on his lips. Sighing deeply at his arrogance, you slipped your arms around Jean’s torso. It was lean and muscled from years of training. Laying your cheek against his back, you could feel his warmth. He smelled of earth, leather, and sweat. The rise and fall of his breathing felt comforting and familiar. Your cheeks began to grow hot and your heart fluttered. Don’t do this to yourself! You thought angrily. It’s not worth it! Don’t go doe eyed at the first man who pays attention to you! A neigh from Phoenix pulled you out of your thoughts as Jean gave him a firm squeeze with his legs. Phoenix bounded down the row of stables and out of the training compound. The homes and shops whizzed by in a blur and soon you were out of the walls, in titan territory.

\---

The feeling of the wind whipping through your hair was exhilarating. It tugged at your clothes more intensely than any storm you’d been caught in. The open sky and speed of the gallop was mystifying. You were free for the first time in your life. You couldn't tell if it was the wind or the overwhelming emotions that brought tears to your eyes; it was probably both. While holding on tightly to Jean’s waist, you let out a laugh of pure delight. It was musical and childish and sweet. It was contagious, causing Jean to laugh too and he urged Phoenix on even harder.

\---

After sometime, Jean drew Phoenix to a halt as a small wooded area came into view. “Phoenix needs some rest and a drink,” he said to you over his shoulder. “There’s a small river through these trees we can take a break at.” He dismounted and offered his hand up to you but the thrill of the ride was still pumping through your veins. You ignored his offer and jumped down on your own, a wild grin plastered on your face. Jean let his hand drop and shook his head slightly, a smile tugging on the corners of his mouth at the sight of your wind blown hair.

The three of you walked in contented silence among the trees until you reached a small clearing. A lazy river about six feet across was nestled among boulders and a sandy shore. Without hesitation, you stripped off your boots, rolled up your trousers and stuck your feet into the cool water. Phoenix whinied and followed in after you. Jean sat on the riverbank and watched with an amused expression. “Quit being a stick in the mud!” You called from the water. “It feels great!” Jean just shook his head with a smile and tossed a nearby stone in your direction. Giving him a sly smile, you turned and whispered something in Phoenix’s ear. “What was that?” said Jean with a raised eyebrow. You shrugged and slowly sloshed to shore with Phoenix in tow behind you. 

Reaching down, you grabbed Jean’s hand and tried to pull him up. “Not gonna work!” he laughed. “Oh, yeah?” You grinned then let out a sharp, short whistle. Phoenix moved behind Jean and gave him a hearty shove with his nose as you again tried to get him up. With Phoenix’s help, you were able to tug him unwillingly into the water. “Hey, my shoes!” Jean complained. You laughed triumphantly and sprayed a healthy splash of water onto him. Phoenix wickered in delight. With your hands on your knees, doubled over from laughing, you didn’t notice the determined look on Jean’s face. He darted over to you and tugged you underwater with him. “Ack!” You spluttered once you surfaced, playfully splashing water at him. “You could’ve at least warned me, you jerk!” Your tone was firm but a smile tugged at the corner of your lips. Jean shrugged and ran a hand through his sodden hair. It’s darker when it’s wet, you thought. It really brings out his eyes.

“What are you smiling at, nurse?” he smirked. “Nothing,” you rolled your eyes. He always gets satisfaction out of the smallest things! “I’m getting chilly though as I didn’t intend on bathing in the river,” you elbowed him in the ribs, “I’m getting out.” You waded to the shore and began to strip off your damp clothes. “W-whoa,” Jean stuttered, knee deep in the river. “Wh-what are you doing?” “I’m drying my clothes, Jean, what does it look like I’m doing?” Left only in your underclothes, you laid the rest of the garments out on a nearby boulder to dry and turned to face him. Upon meeting his eyes you gave him a childish smirk then climbed a nearby boulder to bask in the sun. 

From where you lay, you could see Jean tie Phoenix to a nearby tree to graze. He then stripped off his boots, cloak, and shirt and laid them next to yours. As he walked over to you, his arrogance returned and the usual smirk took up residence on his lips. Jean climbed the boulder to sit next to you and you quickly turned your face away from his. The sight of his body made you blush and you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing it did. Closing your eyes, you let the sun warm you. 

\---

It was sometime before either of you spoke. “How come we didn’t see any titans?” You asked, turning your face toward him. Jean moved his gaze from the clouds to meet your eyes. “We suspect most of them were already in Wall Maria when we sealed it,” he explained. “Why? Did you want to see a titan?” “Gods, no,” you murmured, your brow furrowing at the thought. “Well I’m glad I didn’t disappoint you then.” Jean said grinning.

Time felt like it had slowed to a stop. The bright sun beat down, warming your skin and a cool wind blew through the clearing. The only sounds were of unseen birds eavesdropping in the trees. As you stared into Jean’s eyes, you felt a magnetic pull. An intimate desire. His eyes were so earnest and intense. Your lips parted, wanting to kiss him. No! You turned your face skyward, away from his, and took a deep breath. Not him. It can’t be him.

Jean said nothing and soon the once blissful silence began to feel uncomfortable. Had he felt the same feeling? You wondered. With a shaky sigh, you reached down and took his hand. It was rough and calloused from years of training drills and combat. He almost recoiled out of surprise. You turned back to him and smiled. “Thanks for today, Jean,” you said softly, “I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.” Jean smiled back at you and squeezed your hand. “No, problem, nurse,” he replied. “We should probably get going though. It’ll be dark soon.” Jean stood up, stretched, and ran a hand through his now dry hair. He jumped down from the boulder and strode over to where your clothes lay. Reluctantly, you followed after him. 

\---

The ride back to the stables was quiet and uneventful. A calm tranquility enveloped both of you once more. As you laid your head against Jean’s back, you felt peaceful and safe again. After Phoenix was unsaddled and brushed, you shut and latched the stall door. “Well, I should be going now,” you began, turning to look at him. “The kids will be showing up soon.” Jean stepped up to you, so close that you could feel his breath. For a moment you thought he would kiss you, but instead he undid the Scout cloak around your shoulders and draped it over his arm. “You want me to walk you home, nurse?” he said with a smirk. “No, soldier, I happen to know the way, thank you very much,” you said with your hands on your hips. He laughed and saluted you as you reluctantly made your way through the stables into the darkening evening.


	3. Missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean gets a surprise visitor on his day off that is about to turn his world upside down.

Sasha and Connie lounged outside of the Scouts’ headquarters, enjoying a fleeting moment of peace. “I wonder what’s for dinner?” Sasha sighed as she sat on the stone wall next to Connie. “You always wonder what’s for dinner,” he quipped, scratching his shaved head. “Well, what ELSE is there to look forward to these days?” Sasha and Connie continued to bicker and were too busy to notice a small raggedy child approach the front entrance of the building.

“Um, excuse me,” the young boy began timidly, “do you know where I can find Mr. Jean?” Sasha and Connie looked at the child closely then back at each other and burst out laughing. “Mr. Jean?” Sasha giggled. “Kid, you’ve got to be kidding me!” Connie gasped as he slapped his knee and wiped tears from his eyes. When the two of them finally quieted down, they returned their attention to the boy. His lip was quivering and he looked like he was on the verge of tears. “P-please….” he whimpered.

“Okay, kid, no need to get upset,” Sasha hastily reassured him. She looked at Connie and gave him a knowing look. Confused, Connie just shrugged. She rolled her eyes and elbowed him in the ribs. “Ow! What’d you do that for!?” “You can take him to the men’s barracks, I can’t, you absolute idiot!” “Oh, yeah.” Connie grinned sheepishly at her while rubbing his bruised side. He walked up to the child with a comforting smile on his face. “So what’s your name, kiddo?” He asked, crouching down. “B-Ben.” The little boy gulped. “Okay, Ben, let’s go find that horse faced Mr. Jean you keep talking about,” Connie said cheerily as he grabbed Ben’s hand and began to walk through the empty courtyard.

\---

The men’s barracks were sparsely furnished. Rows of neatly made bunks lined either side of the room. Most of them were empty except a spare few where Scouts were dozing or reading. “Hey, Jean!” Connie called from the doorway still holding Ben’s hand. “You in here?” “Yeah, Cueball, where else would I be, it’s our day off,” came a voice from the back of the barrack. Ben tightened his grip on Connie’s hand and looked up at the Scout expectantly, urgency was written across his face. What’s this kid got to do with Jean? Connie thought as he led Ben down the rows of bunks to where Jean lay casually in dark pants and a white shirt. 

Jean looked up from the book he had been reading when he heard footsteps approaching and let out an ear splitting grin when he saw who Connie had in tow. “Well, if it isn’t my biggest fan, Ben! Aren’t you supposed to be in school?” Jean closed the book and swung his legs over the side of the bunk. “Mr. J-Jean,” Ben began, but a torrent of tears overcame him and he was unable to speak. Jean’s eyes widened in alarm and he looked up at Connie, expecting answers. Connie only shrugged helplessly and shook his head. “He came to the front of the building asking to see you, that’s all I know.” Connie said defensively. 

“Hey, shh, Ben, it’s okay.” Jean knelt down on the floor next to Ben and placed his hands on his shoulders. “What’s wrong, why did you need to find me?” Ben sucked in several deep breaths in an attempt to steady his breathing but it was clear the boy was distraught about something. “It-it’s (Name),” Ben wailed, “they didn’t come home last night and we haven’t seen them since. (Name’s) never d-done that before!” Ben began crying more heavily and Jean drew the boy into a hug to comfort him. 

Jean’s own heart was beating erratically. (Name)? Missing? I just saw them yesterday at the stables... They were fine... They said they were going straight home? What could’ve happened? (Name) wouldn’t have left the kids alone…. A hollow pit of despair grew in Jean’s stomach. I should’ve walked (Name) home… If something happened to them…. Jean gritted his teeth in frustration. No, he couldn’t afford to think like that. (Name) was okay, they had to be. Jean pulled Ben away from his chest and looked him in the eyes. The boy couldn’t have been older than seven and yet he was about to ask too much of him. “Ben,” Jean said evenly, “You did the right thing coming to me. Don’t worry, I’ll find out what happened. I’m sure (Name) is fine. Where are the other kids?” 

“With Nelly at the house,” Ben hiccuped meekly, rubbing his runny nose. “Okay, good. Take Connie and Sasha back home and they’ll keep an eye on you until I come back with (Name). Sasha will make you some really tasty food, I promise.” Connie’s eyes widened at the mention of him volunteering the rest of his day off babysitting but it was obvious something was wrong. Connie sighed and placed a hand on Ben’s back. “C’mon, kid, let’s let Mr. Jean get to work,” he said, placing emphasis on the ‘Mr’. Ben grabbed onto the hem of Connie’s shirt and eyed Jean tearfully as they walked away.

Damn it! Jean cursed inwardly. His head was all over the place. He needed to get himself together. (Name) is missing? It still didn’t make sense…. He shook his head in an attempt to clear his mind. To find out what happened he needed to think like a soldier, not like some lovesick kid. I need to retrace their steps, he thought. Start at the stables and walk through town to the house. Maybe, just maybe I can find something.

Jean donned his uniform and green Scouts’ cloak and strode out of the barracks with a grim yet determined look on his face. He soon found himself rapping at the door of Captain Levi’s living quarters. “Enter,” came a muffled voice. Jean took a deep breath and opened the door. Captain Levi stayed in a modest room, as most military men did. There was a four poster bed in the corner and a desk scattered with papers across from it. A couple of bookshelves, a dresser, and an armchair were the only other furnishings in the room. Captain Levi was sitting at the desk by the window, pouring over some paperwork when Jean came in. 

Levi glanced over his paperwork at Jean but said nothing. “Sir,” Jean began after shutting the door. “I have good reason to believe a friend of mine has gone missing. I believe there is foul play involved,” Jean faltered, not sure what to say next. “Good reason?” Levi asked, unconcerned. “Sir, a child in their care said they didn’t return home last night.” “And?” Levi replied dryly. “I’d hardly consider someone missing after not coming home from an evening out.”

Jean gritted his teeth and forced himself to retain his composure. “Sir, I know them. They have seven kids in their care. They don’t have late nights out. Ever.” Jean stressed the last word. “Ah, so this is the thief you let go several weeks ago then, isn’t it?” Levi asked, finally setting down his stack of papers. “Well, er, yes sir.” Jean flushed scarlet. “Sir, I swear something is wrong. Please let me take a few Scouts to find out what happened to them.” 

“I admire your heart, Kirstein, but we’re Scouts, not Military Police. I won’t send my men on a personal errand of yours.” “But, sir--” Jean began, “Dismissed, soldier.” Levi said firmly. Jean was familiar with the look in the Captain’s eyes and he knew it was useless to argue. Sufficiently defeated, he shut the door.

\---

“Damn it all!” Jean hissed, punching the stone wall outside the house he’d just knocked on. He’d been at it for hours, going door to door asking if anyone had seen someone with (Name’s) description. He let out a frustrated sigh. He needed to keep his temper in check. Getting angry wasn’t going to help anything. “You there! Scout!” a gruff voice called from down the street. Jean took a deep breath to regain his composure and stood up. A portly old man with a grizzled beard and overalls beckoned Jean over to him. The man eyed Jean suspiciously. “What’s this about you asking after a young (gender)?” Jean’s heart skipped a few beats. “Why? Have you seen them? They were reported missing earlier by a family member. People are very worried.” Jean tried to keep the desperation out of his voice. The man regarded him with a knowing expression. “Ah, follow me this way. I may be able to help.” He turned and walked down the street without looking to see if Jean followed.

They had only walked a few blocks but it felt like an eternity to Jean. His hands were shaky and clammy and he couldn’t get his heart rate under control. “Are they okay?” Jean asked anxiously to the man’s back, but he gave no response. This isn’t good, Jean thought. If (Name) was fine, he would’ve just said so…. The man walked up to a modest house where an older woman was looking out the window. When she saw them approaching, she hurried to open the door. “Norm?” the woman asked, worried. “It’s alright, Ruth, he’s here to help,” the man responded to his wife. “Very well,” Ruth said eyeing Jean. “Follow me.”

Ruth led Jean through a small living room down a hallway to a closed door. She stopped and turned to face him. “I’m not a doctor, mind you. I did everything I could but….” Jean couldn’t stand it anymore, dread overwhelmed him and he gently shoved past Ruth and threw open the door. The room was tiny, practically a closet. A small bed, end table, and stool were the only furnishings. A figure lay unmoving on the tiny mattress. Trembling, Jean made his way over. “(Name)?” he whispered softly, but knew you wouldn’t answer. There were bruises on your wrists and face. Your forehead was heavily bandaged and a red stain bled through one side. 

“My son, Jim, heard a ruckus in the alley last night,” Ruth said softly, placing a hand on Jean’s shoulder. “Norm and him went out to see what it was. There were a couple of men, piss drunk, roughing someone up. Norm and Jim went to stop it and the men tried to fight ‘em but were too drunk to even stand straight…. They ended up running away.” Jean collapsed onto the stool next to the bed and delicately placed a trembling hand on yours.

“Those men must’ve grabbed (Name) and slammed them against the wall,” Ruth continued, “I tried my best to care for the wounds but they haven’t woken up since. We were gonna go to the authorities today but then Norm heard from some friends that a young Scout was asking around after a missing person.”

Anguish rolled over Jean in waves. He couldn’t even bear to look at you. If only I had walked them home, damn it all to hell! He sucked in a breath of air and blew it out slowly to steady his nerves. Jean stood and turned to Ruth, her features were kind yet sad. “Thank you, ma’am,” Jean said softly. “I’m going to leave and fetch a wagon to take (Name) to the military infirmary. I’ll be back in an hour.” He gave her a curt nod and showed himself out of the house.

\---

Jean was drained and full of self loathing. He stood in front of the apothecary door for what felt like ages, working up the nerve to face the kids inside. His hand had reached for the door knob many times and fell short. This is my fault, he thought angrily. It’s my responsibility to face. Jean sucked in a breath and with a grim expression on his face, opened the door.

Connie and Sasha sat dozing among the raggedy cushions at the hearth, the kids sleeping peacefully around them. Gods above, Jean thought. As if it couldn’t get any worse. They had tried to stay up to see (Name) come home. He quietly walked over to Sasha and Connie and shook them awake. “W-what’s going!?” Sasha cried out, disoriented. “Hush!” Jean hissed, but it was too late, the kids were already starting to wake.

“Mr. Jean!” Nelly cried. “Did you find (Name)?” She ran up to Jean and grabbed at the hem of his cloak, eagerly looking into his eyes. “Yes, Nelly, they’re okay,” Jean said softly, ruffling her hair. “Well, where are they then?” Nelly asked, crossing her arms. Sasha and Connie exchanged worried looks. “(Name),” Jean began, searching for words. “(Name) got sick on their way home last night and stopped at a friend’s place to rest. They still weren't feeling well when I found them so I took them to a doctor.” Jean’s voice was ragged with emotion. He couldn’t bring himself to look into Nelly’s eyes any longer. “Don’t worry, Mr. Jean! (Name) never gets sick so I bet they’ll get better right away! We should go see them and keep them company! (Name) always says kindness helps a sick patient heal faster!” Nelly said with childlike innocence. Jean couldn’t take it anymore, it broke his heart. He collapsed to his knees, tears streaming down his cheeks. Nelly and the rest of the kids went to hug him and Jean only cried harder.

Pull yourself together, damn it! Jean thought. These kids are behaving more grown than you! Jean scrubbed his face with his sleeve and stood up. “Sasha, Connie, I’ve brought (Name) to the infirmary and spoken to Captain Levi already. If you’re both okay with it, he granted you leave to stay with kids until (Name) is well enough to return home.” “Yeah, Jean, of course,” Connie said with a small smile and clapped Jean on the back. “This beats training any day!” Sasha winked at the kids and they giggled. 

Jean drew a deep breath. The hard part was over. “Alright kiddos,” Jean said, turning his attention to children. “Now that we know (Name) is safe, that means you’re going to school tomorrow so get your butts in bed.” Jean was greeted with a chorus of whines and groans but a stern look from him in his Scout uniform was all it took to convince the kids they weren’t winning this battle.

\---

Jean sat down on the couch with a heavy sigh. All of the kids had finally fallen asleep. Connie and Sasha sat down on either side of him. They said nothing but he knew they wanted to know what happened. He filled them in quickly, not wanting to risk another emotional compromise. He hadn’t felt this much despair since the attack on Trost. “After I brought (Name) to the infirmary, I spoke with Captain Levi. He sent a letter to the Military Police to gather more information from the family that stopped the assault. (Name) still hasn’t woken up though.” Jean finished, staring at his hands.

“Hey,” Sasha said gently, placing her hand over his. “Everything’s going to be alright, you’ll see. Now go over to the infirmary so you can see (Name) when they first wake up.” Jean squeezed Sasha’s hand and gave her a sad smile. “Yeah, go on horse face, we’re sick of seeing ya,” Connie said as he slapped Jean on the back and grinned. Jean smiled, genuinely this time. Gods, he was glad to have them here. “Thank you both...for everything,” he said as he stood to leave. “Let me know if you need anything. I’ll keep you updated.”


	4. Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being unconscious for three days, you wake to find Captain Levi beside your bed.

Pain. Blackness. Your thoughts swirled tumultuously inside your head. Dazed, you couldn’t cling to one long enough to understand what was happening to you. There was a constant ominous silence. You felt fuzzy, almost like you were fading.... 

\---

The late afternoon sunlight slanted through the window onto your face. I don’t know that window, you thought as you blinked the crust out of your eyes. The pain hit you then. It wasn’t as intense as it was in the dark place, but your head still throbbed horribly. “You’re awake,” came an unfamiliar voice on your right. It echoed around inside of your head. A concussion, you thought, as you slowly turned to see who had spoken.

A uniformed Scout sat in a chair next to your hospital bed. He was rather short with dark hair and blue eyes. The man’s face held a blank expression. The Captain, you thought. What was his name? Oh, right. “Levi,” You croaked through chapped lips. Levi leaned forward, placing his elbows on his thighs and nodded. “That’s right. What’s the last thing you remember?”

The last thing? Thoughts still bounced painfully around inside your head. “Horses,” you whispered. Levi’s brow furrowed. That obviously wasn’t what he expected to hear. Your head swam and ached and refused to provide any more information. Your hands curled into fists, frustrated. “It’s okay. Try to take it easy,” Levi said gently as he placed a hand over yours.

“What happened?” you rasped. Levi eyed you for a moment, then sat up straight in his chair, crossing his legs. “You were attacked on your way home a few days ago--” he began. “A few days ago!?” you gasped, struggling to sit up but Levi gave you a firm shove down. “You’re not going anywhere,” he emphasized each word. “The kids! They need me!” You desperately tried to wriggle away from his grip but his hand felt as if it weighed of stone. “They’re fine. A couple of Scouts from my squad are looking after them.” You relaxed a bit at hearing this and Levi removed his hand from your chest and resumed his seat.

“Do you remember anything about the men who attacked you?” Levi asked, keeping a close eye on you. Knowing that your mind wasn’t going to cooperate, you shook your head slowly. “Well I suppose that’s to be expected,” Levi mused, rubbing his chin. “I filed a report with the Military Police after Jean found you--” “Jean!” you gasped. Horses….he was there...I was with him. The throbbing increased and you winced. 

Levi sighed. “I do wish you’d stop interrupting. As I was saying, I filed a report but it’s likely to go nowhere unless you can remember anything useful about the criminals who attacked you. I’ve also arranged for your medical expenses to be waived.” That was a welcome surprise. “Why?” you asked, meeting his gaze. “I read into your background while I was compiling my report for the Military Police. You don’t charge for your services if patients can’t pay and you take in homeless children. I wish I had known someone like you when I was a child,” Levi said softly, his eyes growing distant. Shaking his head, Levi stood abruptly. “I’ll go fetch Jean now. I sent him away a few hours ago. He hadn’t left your side since you were brought in and I threatened to admit him myself if he didn’t go get a bath and some sleep.” Levi gave you a small nod and strode down the hospital wing.

\---

Birds were whistling to each other in the holly tree outside of your window when you heard erratic footsteps echoing toward your bed. You turned from the window and saw him standing there. Jean. Your heart rate quickened and you grew alarmed. He looked terrible. His appearance was downright haggard and it was clear he hadn’t shaved in days. Dark circles ringed his bloodshot eyes. He almost looked manic. “Jean--” you began in a concerned tone.

He let out a short delirious laugh. “Oh, (Name),” he said softly, as he collapsed into the chair. “How can you be worried about me when you’re the one who was unconscious for three days?” He scooted the chair as close to your bed as it would allow and gently clasped your hand. “It’s what I do,” you said softly, “I’m a nurse.” Jean smiled as his eyes began to water. He looked down at his boots. “Yeah, of course it is.” He murmured to the floor. His grip on your hand suddenly tightened and he met your gaze once more. “I promise I am going to find the men who did this to you and make them pay for this.” His voice was hard and unrecognizable. You’d never seen Jean act like this before. The look on his face was pure venom and it scared you.

“No, that’s not what I want,” you held his gaze, “let the MP’s handle this.” Jean’s free hand clenched into a fist, knuckles whitening. “Those disgusting cowards are still out there,” he spat angrily. “Remember who the real enemy is,” you whispered, reaching up to rest your hand against his cheek. Jean’s fierce expression melted and he leaned into your touch, holding your hand there with his own. He let out a deep, frustrated sigh. “I was beginning to think you’d never wake up,” he whispered, haunted. “That I was going to have to tell Nelly and Ben and the others it was my fault you were taken from them….” Jean’s voice caught in his throat and tears streamed down his face.

“Oh, Jean,” you said softly. His grief was heartbreaking. You wiped away his tears with the hand that had been cupping his cheek. “How could you possibly think this is your fault?” Jean racked in a deep breath, trying to stem the flow of tears. “I should’ve insisted on walking you home! I gave up so easily. If I wasn’t so stupid--” he cut off again, overwhelmed. Slowly, you pulled yourself into a sitting position. When Jean wouldn’t meet your eyes, you placed your hands on either side of his face, pulling it close to yours. Reluctantly, he looked at you. They were filled with shame. “This is NOT your fault, Jean,” You grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into a hug. He clung to you, sobbing. You tucked your face into his neck and stroked his back softly, shushing him. The two of you stayed intertwined for what felt like hours. Eventually, you fell asleep in his arms.

\---

The physicians dismissed you from the infirmary the following day. Your head still ached and your memories still weren’t completely back but as a nurse you knew that was to be expected from a concussion. Jean walked quietly beside you, insisting on carrying your belongings back to the apothecary.

The two of you walked out of the infirmary door to a small crowd of impatient children. “(NAME)!” they screamed as they recognized you. A grin quickly spread across your face as you knelt down to hug the approaching kids. “Easy now!” Jean gently admonished them, “(Name’s) not 100% healed yet!” The kids looked up at you and pulled away, scared. “It’s okay, Jean,” you said gently, “they’ve been raised by a nurse, they know how to act around patients. Isn’t that right?” The kids nodded and carefully embraced you once more. 

Two Scouts who had been lingering with the children slowly approached and you stood up to greet them. “You must be Sasha and Connie,” you said, extending your hand in greeting. “I can’t thank you enough for keeping an eye on them while I was recovering.” Sasha laughed and Connie blushed. “It was nothing, really!” Connie said while scratching his head. “Wow, you sure are pretty! I didn’t think Jean could land a catch like you!” Sasha said appreciatively. “And one who knows how to cook too!”

You chuckled at that and saw Jean’s horrified expression. “Sasha!!” he scowled, “That’s NOT appropriate!” Sasha and Connie bent over laughing and the kids joined in too. Soon Jean was a stammering fit. As much as you wanted to laugh with them, you decided to save Jean from the embarrassment. “Come on, kiddos,” you called as you began walking, “I’m ready to get back home!”

\---

The evening passed in its usual manner without incident. Jean and the kids helped you tidy up the place. Connie and Sasha had been great babysitters but they weren’t exactly the best at keeping the house clean. Dinner with the kids and Jean was a welcome return to normal and you even let them stay up later to catch up beside the hearth. Jean noticed the smile hadn’t left your lips since you walked through the door. All of the kids had been so excited to tell you about their school work and games. 

After the kids had finally retired for the evening, you turned to Jean. He had been uncharacteristically quiet all night. In fact, ever since you had woken up, he hadn’t seemed his usual self. After grabbing some medical supplies from a nearby cabinet, you settled down next to him on the couch. “What is it?” you asked him softly. Jean closed his eyes and let out a sigh. He opened and closed his mouth several times in an attempt to speak but no words came out. 

After a few moments he said, “They were all so happy to have you back….” You could tell the weight of what happened to still tore away at him. Jean. So stubborn. “And are you happy to have me back?” He turned to look at you. “Of course,” he whispered, his eyes soft. “Then help me change my bandage then. I can’t find my mirror.” You tossed him the gauze without warning and he just managed to catch it. Ah, there we go, you thought. A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

Jean removed the bandage on your forehead gingerly and his expression darkened. Damn, you thought. I should’ve thought about how he’d react to that…. “How does it look?” He sighed. “There are some stitches. The gash is about the length of a finger…. Does it hurt?” “Sometimes,” you answered truthfully. “But hardly as much as it used to. I’ll be completely fine in a couple of weeks.” Jean began to delicately clean the wound and you scolded him on his technique. There, another smile. 

“Well, your bandaging work was sloppy. We’ll definitely need to work on that in the future, soldier,” you teased him as he finished bandaging your forehead. “How else are you going to provide first aid while on duty?” Your eyes twinkled playfully and Jean let out a low chuckle. “There’s the Jean I know,” you said softly and smiled at him. His expression changed then. There was something in it that wasn’t familiar to you. Before you could figure out what it was, he quickly closed the space between you and kissed you.

It was soft and warm and wonderful. Your body, at first rigid from shock, melted against his. Jean’s strong arms closed around you. The embrace was so much more than you had ever imagined it would be and you had thought about it plenty of times. No! Not him! You abruptly pulled away from him. “I--sorry…” Jean said, looking at you confused. Head spinning, you stood up and walked to the nearest window looking for the cool air to clear your mind. 

“I-I thought you….” Jean trailed off not knowing what to say. “It’s not your fault,” you said softly. You weren’t sure if you were saying it to him or yourself. You turned around, eyes wet. “You should go, Jean. I’m sorry if I misled you.” 

Jean was stung. I love you, he wanted to say. All this time and you never felt the same way? He was speechless and hurt. His pride and ego were bruised in a way he had never experienced before. What was there left to say? He stood up stiffly and walked to the door without looking at you and quietly left into the night.


	5. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Truths are revealed in this final chapter.

Two weeks had gone by without sight of Jean. He had stopped coming by for dinner once a week and even had Connie or Sasha bring out food for you to the courtyard. When you tried to press them for answers to see how he was, they would merely shrug. It seemed they were in the dark about what was going on.

Lying to the kids was harder. In the beginning, they would wait by the windows for a flash of the familiar forest green cloak. Ben took it the hardest. “Why hasn’t Mr. Jean come back, (Name)?” A pit grew in your stomach and your shoulders sagged. “He’s a Scout, Ben. He’s probably been very busy lately with secret missions,” you tried to reassure him cheerily but it sounded forced. Ben huffed angrily, and stewed in silence for several days afterward.

\---

The morning was bright and crisp as you made your way to the Scout’s headquarters. Everytime you hoped you would see him but by now you knew it was useless. What did it matter anyway? It’s not like you were going to tell him what happened that night….

A balding man in an apron stood near the stone wall with a wooden crate. As you approached, he shielded his eyes against the sun and took a few steps in your direction. “(Name)?” he asked as you drew closer. You could feel your eyebrows knit as you nodded. What was going on? “The name’s Kent. I’ve brought your rations for the next few days.” The man began passing you goods to place in your satchel. “Thank you, but where are my friends?” Kent raised an eyebrow as he passed you the final item. “They didn’t tell you?” he huffed, “Some friends they are. The Scouts went on an exploratory mission beyond the walls. Left in the middle of the night last night so most of the titans wouldn’t be active.”

You clutched the satchel tightly, your knuckles turning white. “All of them?” Kent nodded. “Yes, must be something big going on, though they don’t tell us cooks much….” he shrugged then bent down and retrieved the crate. “Well, (Name) you take care. I reckon I’ll be seeing you in a few days.” Kent turned and began walking back through the courtyard and waved without turning around. “No telling how long they’ll be gone or how many’ll come back,” he called absently.

Your heart rate quickened at Kent’s nonchalant comment. Jean, Connie, Sasha, hell even that wooden Captain Levi.... Would they make it back? Your hands began to shake and your knees felt as if they were going to buckle. Jean…. What if he doesn’t come back? I’ll never get the chance to tell him…. No! You reached up to dry the tears that had begun flowing from your eyes. Don’t think like that! That’s the kind of thinking that caused Mother’s illness. I have to be brave. If not for me, then for the kids. You straightened your back and held your head high as you made the solemn trek back home.

\---

The dim coals of the hearth barely lit your face in the late hours of the night. You thought you had been crying silently until Nelly made her way out of the bunkroom and onto the couch next to you. “(Name)?” she whispered softly, taking your hand. “I’m okay, Nelly,” you gripped her small hand reassuringly. “Just a nightmare, that’s all.” Nelly nodded then leaned in to give you a hug. “Is it about Mr. Jean’s mission?” Nelly asked. How could she know about that, you wondered. Of course, the kids at school. The Scouts going on missions wasn’t confidential information but you had tried your best to keep it from the kids so they wouldn’t worry. “Don’t worry, he’ll come back! Mr. Jean is strong!” Nelly said as she clung to you. “You’re right, Nelly,” you whispered as you stroked her hair. “He’ll be okay….”

\---

It was the first time in days that the rain had stopped. While the kids were at school you had taken the chance to weed out the small garden you kept in your small patch of a backyard. The crops you grew were meager seeing as the buildings on all sides of the yard barely allowed any sunlight to reach them but they were better than going hungry. A floppy oversized hat kept the sun off your face and you had chosen to forgo shoes and socks. There was something soothing about feeling the damp soil between your toes. The work was tedious but you enjoyed it nonetheless.

A particularly stubborn weed was refusing to yield to your tugging when a patter of feet slapping on the cobblestones came from around the corner. “(Name)!” Ben yelled as he reached the garden gate. Lifting off your haunches, you saw the entire brood of children were amassed behind him. “Ben! What is the meaning of this? You all should be in school!” Ben’s cheeks were flushed and he was breathing heavily. “It’s the Scouts!” he called through the gate. “They’re about to come through Wall Rose!”

Your mouth went dry and your heart thumped erratically. As you ran toward the gate, Ben undid the latch for you while the rest of the kids went tearing down the street toward the direction of the main thoroughfare. Citizens of Wall Rose were already beginning to gather as the gates began to rise. It took every ounce of strength in you not to tremble as the kids clung to your shirt. He WILL be fine, you told yourself. 

Forest green cloaks began to pour through the gates and you scanned each face as they passed. “Connie!” you shouted as you spotted a familiar shaved head. “Stay here!” you told the kids firmly as you began to weave your way through the crowd. Connie’s expression was grim when you reached him. His eyes were haggard and his uniform was torn in several places. “What happened?” you asked softly. Connie shook his head and let out a frustrated sigh. “We were trying to reclaim one of our old outposts before Wall Maria fell but they were on us from the start,” his expression darkened. “There were heavy casualties.” “Jean?” it was barely a whisper.

Connie looked down at his feet before he met your eyes and took in a deep breath. “He got banged up pretty bad. Shattered elbow, kneecap, and some cracked ribs.” Connie rubbed his head absently as a frown appeared on his face. “That’s what he gets for always trying to play the hero and act as the distraction…. Got slammed into a tree pretty hard by a 12 meter.” Your hand flew to your mouth as the mental image of what Connie described entered your mind. “Where is he?” “In one of the wagons with the rest of the wounded. They’re being taken directly to the infirmary.” You gave Connie a gentle hug and a quick thank you before returning to retrieve the kids. “Well?” Ben demanded, his arms crossed. “Mr. Jean has some injuries so they’re taking him to the hospital where I stayed when I was sick. I’ll take you all back home and go see him.” “Why can’t we come with you?” Ben whined. “You know children aren’t allowed in the military infirmary,” you chided him. That was a lie but Jean had blessedly come up with it while you were unconscious as an excuse for why the kids couldn’t come visit. Ben stamped his foot and stalked off in the direction of the apothecary and the rest of the kids reluctantly followed.

\---

A few hours later you found yourself standing in the lobby of the infirmary. “Who are you here to see?” a young nurse sitting at the visitor’s desk asked you. “Kirstein, Jean.” The nurse scanned the paper in front of her then nodded. “Give me one moment, I’ll see if he wants visitors. What’s your name?” She disappeared through the double doors toward the triage room after you answered. A few moments later the nurse returned with an uncomfortable look on her face. She took her time reseating herself and organizing the reports on her desk. When she was done, she neatly folded her hands in her lap and looked up at you. “I’m terribly sorry but it appears Mr. Kirstein isn’t accepting visitors at this time.” The nurse cleared her throat and averted her gaze as color rushed to your cheeks. “Okay,” you heard yourself saying faintly. Ignoring the stares of the other visitors in the lobby, you turned around and left with watering eyes.

\---

Several hard knocks rapped against the apothecary door later the next evening. Who could that be at this hour? The kids had already eaten and been put to bed. It was going on near 10 o’clock at night. You set aside the cold tin box that had been resting on your lap and rose to unlock the door. “You’ll need to speak softly,” you said as you opened the door. “I have kids in b--” A tall golden eyed man stood in the doorway. “Jean!” you gasped. He cracked a smile and pulled you into a gentle hug. “Didn’t think I’d make it, did you?” A small laugh escaped your lips as you nestled your face into the hollow of his neck. He was warm and real. He was here. Jean. He’s okay.

Reluctantly, you pulled away from him and wiped your damp face on your sleeve. “What are you doing here? I went to see you at the infirmary….” you trailed off, not knowing what to say. Jean cleared his throat and shuffled his feet. “Yes, well, I wasn’t quite ready for visitors. Plus, I figured there are others who need the bed more than I do and I know a damn good nurse that can help tend my wounds outside of headquarters. So are you gonna let me in or what? I’ve got one hell of a bruised kneecap.” He smirked at you and cocked his head.

Once inside, you stoked the fire and lit some candles to give the room more light. As you were gathering the necessary medical supplies to change his bandages, Jean stripped off his cloak and shirt causing you to blush furiously. Luckily it was too dim for him to notice. As you undid his old dressings you sucked in a deep breath. Connie said he was banged up but what from what you saw you knew Jean had to have been in a world of pain. “It looks worse than it feels,” Jean said nonchalantly. You arched an eyebrow at him and delicately poked a deep purple bruise that had blossomed across his ribs. “Ow!” he hissed, swatting your hand away. “Listen soldier,” you admonished him as you administered antiseptic on the healing lacerations. “Don’t lie about your pain. It actually impedes our ability to come to a diagnosis and provide correct medical care.” 

Your fingers worked fluidly. After years of practice, reapplying bandages was child’s play. “You know,” Jean began as you switched from his ribs to his elbow. “Connie told me you came to the gates when we returned.” You arched an eyebrow. “Well of course we did. We hadn’t seen you in weeks, Jean.” He frowned slightly and nodded his head. “He even said,” Jean continued, a smile growing on his lips. “That you were the most out of sorts that he had ever seen. Face, clothes, and hands all covered in dirt AND you weren’t wearing shoes!” he chuckled then winced at the pain. “Serves you right,” you huffed. “Feet covered in mud and a ridiculously large hat flopping all over. What I would have given to see you like that!” Jean shook his head and chuckled softly.

Your cheeks flushed with embarrassment. You had to admit, you must’ve looked pretty eccentric, especially with seven kids in tow. “Hey, who’s this?” Jean asked, picking up an old painting from the tin box you left on the sofa. Your eyes widened and you went to snatch the portrait from him but his long arms prevented you from doing so. “Is this your boyfriend?” he teased, craning his neck to see the photo in the dim lighting. “No,” you said softly as you finished dressing his elbow. 

You stood up and began collecting the medical supplies. “It was my father,” you answered as you brought the supplies back to their cabinet. “Your father was a Scout?” Jean asked, inspecting the photo once more. Yes, he could see it. You had his jaw and nose. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?” You sighed and sat down next to him, gently taking the portrait from his calloused hand. “He was a great man, Jean. One of the best I’ve ever known. Joined the Scouts the same year the Commandant did.” You looked at the painting. The artist hadn’t gotten his smile right, you thought ruefully.

“He loved going beyond the walls. He said it was the only time he ever felt free.” Your voice began to shake and you could feel hot tears welling up. “He was going out on a simple reconnaissance mission one day, him and two others. They were just supposed to do an activity report…. He never came back, Jean.” Your shoulders shook as the dam broke and tears began to stream down your face. Jean grabbed you and pulled you into a hug, your tears falling on his chest. His cool skin felt nice against your hot cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” Jean whispered into your hair as he held you. “That wasn’t the worst part,” you continued. “The worst part was Mother. They had nothing to bring back so at first she didn’t believe he was really gone. She minded the apothecary as usual then as time went by something in her broke. Mother grew distant and forgetful. She stopped eating and eventually grew frail. I was 12 when she died. I woke up to find her in her bed….” you clutched Jean to you as gently as you would dare with his wounds. It felt so good to let it out. You hadn’t ever told anyone that story. Sure, most of the neighbors knew but it was just easier to not talk about it.

“Oh, (Name),” Jean said hoarsely, “I’m so sorry,” he stroked your back gently. Abruptly, you stood up and fetched yourself a towel and a glass of water. After cleaning off your face, you let out a little chuckle as you stared at your reflection in the cup. “(Name)?” Jean asked worriedly as he put his hand on your forearm. You shook your head and let out a small smile. “After what happened to Mother I promised myself something.” You raised the cup to your lips and took a sip. “I promised myself I would never let myself fall in love with a Scout.” Jean stiffened and pulled his hand away. 

“I can’t afford to do that,” you continued gently. “I can’t have what happened to Mother happen to me. There are too many people counting on me.” “I get it.” Jean said gruffly. You shook your head with a rueful smile. “No, Jean. You don’t get it.... I thought the weeks where you were ignoring me were bad but after I heard the entire regiment had gone out on a mission…. Those were terrible. I couldn’t sleep at night. I could barely eat.” You set your cup down and turned to look at him. 

“Don’t you get it? I failed. I tried so hard not to let you in but I fell in love with you anyway. I thought if I pushed you away then I’d be okay but that week you were gone was one of the worst weeks of my life. I was practically sick with worry.” Jean looked at you, an expression of pure shock on his face. “You...love me?” he whispered softly.

You could feel the magnetic pull again, stronger than you’d ever felt before. The firelight flickered across Jean and his golden eyes bore into yours. Yes, you thought. This tall, battered mess of a Scout is mine and I love him. Instead of answering him, you leaned in and kissed him, deeply and passionately. You laced your fingers through his hair and his tongue greedily entered your mouth. Exhilaration flared through your veins and your heart beat out of control as Jean ran his hands along your back. 

“Ack!” Jean whispered painfully as he pulled away from you. “Too much?” you asked as you flushed scarlet in embarrassment. “No, no,” he let out a throaty chuckle and tried to pull you closer but you swatted him away. “Your wounds will never heal if we carry on like that,” you said with mock sternness. Jean smirked. “To be quite honest, I think I’ll be quite okay with that, nurse.” 

You grinned at him and reached in to steal another kiss. “What kind of nurse would I be if I didn’t take care of my patients?” you teased. Jean’s expression softened and he grabbed your hand and kissed it. “I love you too, (Name).” he whispered as he looked at you from under his lashes. Your heart fluttered like a caged bird and you could feel the heat returning to your cheeks. “Why didn’t you just tell me?” he asked as he lifted his head up from kissing your hand to look at you. “You know, you could’ve just asked.” You grinned at him.

The end.


End file.
